What about me qualifies me to be
the author of this site?
My name is Wendell R. In order to protect my alcoholic addict’s identity, I won’t share my last name on this site.
Nine years of alcoholic addict lessons!
I was married to an alcoholic addict for nine years. Everything in this site reflects lessons I learned about alcoholism, drug addiction and codependency from that experience.
Here are some of the steps and missteps that contributed to my recovery from codependency and the effects of living with an alcoholic addict.
- Denial - My wife was an alcoholic addict when I married her. I chose not to see it. As they years passed, her drinking and drug use got worse. I still chose to deny it. I tried going to counselors. I didn’t listen to what they were telling me, because I didn’t want to believe reality. Eventually the emotional pain got so bad that I couldn’t deny things any longer. It took me six years before I started to admit that, maybe, I had a problem. It was still another year before I was finally able to fully accept that yes, I was in an alcoholic addict relationship.
- Enabling - It seems that my natural tendency was to being a rescuer. My alcoholic wife provided many opportunities for me to rescue her or enable her unhealthy behavior, including: paying bills she ran up partying, cleaning up after house parties she would throw, picking up after her around the house, doing chores that were supposed to be hers, keeping booze in the house so that she wouldn’t run out and then go to a bar, etc., etc. The list could go on and on, but you get the idea.
- Codependence - I grew up in a codependent mother. She taught me well. I won’t say my father was a classic alcoholic, however, the more I learned about alcoholism, the more I recognized alcoholic behavior characteristics in him. It wasn’t often that his drinking got out of hand, but when it did the anger, yelling and breaking of dishes was scary. I took these lessons with me into my marriage: Needing to be needed, constantly trying to control my alcoholic’s drinking behavior, in spite of evidence to the uselessness of such behavior on my part. Eventually I found help through counseling, CoDA and working with a codependence self help group.
- Alcoholism and Drug Addiction - Nine years married to an alcoholic addict. Several years of attending Al-Anon meetings, open AA meetings, open Narcotics Anonymous meetings, CoDA meetings, and counseling sessions. Many books read and reread looking for answers.
- Recovery - Having grown to the point that I am in a joyful, committed relationship that has lasted longer than my marriage to my alcoholic addict.
Why I built this site.
When I started looking for information on alcoholism and drug addiction, I found a lot. However, it was focused on the alcoholic or addict. There was little information available for the families of alcoholics or addicts. Over time, through self help groups, lessons shared by people that had dealt with similar problems, and from books that focused on personal issues I was dealing with, I learned much of what is in these pages. I made a promise to myself that someday I would put all this information together for the benefit of other people that are just beginning to grapple with their alcoholic or drug addict.
Originally I started writing a book but it stalled and sat on the shelf for years. Finally, with the internet becoming so pervasive, it seemed that a web site was the way to go.
I've been working on this site since late 2007 and plan to continue to add information as time permits.
Throughout these pages I share personal experiences that seem pertinent. If you have questions about any of those experiences or have any questions about me, these pages or any topic you want to suggest that I cover, please feel free to contact me. This About Me page is in response to one of those suggestions.
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