Acceptance

What is acceptance? What does it have to do with dealing with my alcoholic addict?

Accepting your alcoholic or addict generally refers to engaging with your alcoholic addict without judging, protesting or trying to change their substance abusing behavior. This is hard to do. If you didn't care about them it would be easier to accept their self destructive behavior.

This is more than just refraining from saying anything when your alcoholic or addict is drinking or drugging. It includes realizing that your substance abuser is going to use drugs or alcohol, no matter what you do. It includes learning to not let such behavior affect you emotionally. Whether they use or don’t use, you have to take your alcoholic addict just as they are.

Accepting your alcoholic or addict is strongly linked with detachment.

For me the hardest thing was to admit that I was in this alcoholic addict marriage and that nothing I could do would change my alcoholic. I had to admit to myself that my wife was going to do what she chose to do, regardless my feelings about the matter.

I had to learn that I could only control my own actions. I could continue to try and resist the reality of our messed up relationship, and live with the associated stress from my denial that I was helpless to control my alcoholic addict, or I could acknowledge that our marriage was exactly what it was and do what I could to adjust to that reality. Ultimately learning to accept her just as she was, combined with learning detachment, were the foundation of my learning to enjoy life, in spite of my alcoholic addict’s behavior.

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