The Alcoholic Wife

My alcoholic wife had good reasons for being the way she was. When she was growing up her father would take her with him to sit in the bar while he drank with his friends. It was one of the few times they got to hang out together. And it was good training for her to believe that in order to have fun you had to drink.

When her father died her mother remarried. My ex-wife’s new stepfather was an abusive alcoholic himself. More good training.

Eventually she ended up a ward of the state, which promptly put her on anti-depressants until her 18th birthday. By the time she got out of the child welfare system she believes she was already an alcoholic. She would drink anything she could get hold of. It was better than taking the antidepressants.

Sure, some alcoholics are genetically predisposed to alcoholism. One drink will do it for some of them. However, for many, alcoholism and drug addiction is a learned disease. Take anyone and put them in enough pain and they will look to whatever relief they can find, even if in the long run it causes more problems. What’s important is relief now. Later can take care of itself.

This is all cold comfort if you find that your wife is an alcoholic. If you love them, their relief becomes your agony. If you didn’t love them you wouldn’t put up with it.

There are just as many alcoholic wives as there are alcoholic husbands. The difference is that women are usually quieter about it. They often manage for years and decades to either hide it or maintain some semblance of normality. From the stories I have heard in open AA meetings, in general, they seem to be more inclined to drink alone and hide their drinking from family and friends.

However, alcoholism is a progressive disorder. Eventually, it gets worse. In the meantime, those who love the alcoholic wife and mother continue to suffer.

I hope that in these pages you find some ideas about how to address your particular situation. If you want to ask specific questions, please go here.

Good luck!

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