The Alcoholic Family Maze - Step 3A year has passed since you last allowed yourself to seriously consider your spouse's drinking behavior. Although it has developed slowly your spouse's drinking behavior has become more extreme. The kids have quit making any references to the drinking, but you notice that they avoid their parent when they are drinking. Your Alcoholic's Behavior: The frequency that your spouse needs several drinks has increased. They say that work has gotten even more stressful. They need more drinks than they used to need to relax. They have more than a couple of drinks most days now. They sometimes express guilt about how much they drink, however, that often seems to coincide with days that they drink even more. It is seldom that they do anything with the family that doesn't involve drinking. Your Behavior: You admit that your family may have a problem but you deny that it is very serious. You try to fix the problems caused by your alcoholic’s drinking. You sometimes get angry with your alcoholic but always feel guilty afterwards. You continue to enable your alcoholic’s behavior by shielding them from the consequences of their actions.
Response 1: Some co-alcoholics will continue to admit that there may be a problem but not admit the degree to which it affects them. They often blame themselves for the alcoholic’s drinking, especially when the alcoholic gets angry. They try to fix problems caused by their alcoholic’s drinking. Sometimes they get angry with their alcoholic. They continue to enable their alcoholic’s behavior. Response 2: Some co-alcoholics will truly accept that there is a problem. They will start to confront or challenge the alcoholic’s drinking. They try to control the alcoholic’s drinking. They make bargains with the alcoholic to get them to cut back on their drinking. They often get angry with their alcoholic. Often without realizing it, they are still enabling the alcoholic’s drinking behavior.
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